I can say, with the upmost certainty, that this year coming to an end is extremely bittersweet. There are a lot of chapters being closed, some extremely sentimental. As most of you know, last December I had a neurosurgery on my spine, which literally gave me my life back. In fact, I was told that there was some permanent nerve damage that directly effected my left side– and that I would probably never be able to feel my left calf, and never be able to move my last two toes on my left foot. It was a pretty rad day when I woke up this summer (August 21st to be exact) and my little pinkie toe decided to wiggle. You never forget something like that.
You also never forget the look on your husbands, parents and best friends faces when you tell them that you’re FINALLY pregnant after three long years of wanting a family so badly and being told that it was literally like rolling a dice for you. Being pregnant is probably the most bittersweet chapter that’s closing this year. As much as I LOATHED actually being pregnant, the fact that we made our family of two into a sweet family of three is something I would never ever change. Finding out we were having a girl was extremely monumental for us. I always knew my husband was meant to raise girls. Now, this might sound dumb, but when you can say that you have been together since you were 14 years old, you have gone through some pretty extreme milestones together. I have seen him grow from a rowdy, yet gentle boy into a selfless and nurturing man. We helped raise each other, in a way. Seeing how he loves me, and acts like the ground I walk on is made from cotton candy and sprinkles, just made me 100% sure he was meant to be a girl daddy. I’m obsessively grateful for him, and everything he gives us.
In April, after almost 6 years of working a night shift job, my husband was FINALLY given the opportunity to become a mobile technician. Basically, he works on commission (making a shit ton more than he was before!), and creates his own schedule. Which means there are days where I can wake up and say “stay home and snuggle” or “I need help with the baby today, can you go in this afternoon so I can have the morning to myself?” and he gets to do just that. We are so incredibly blessed to have this. Because let me tell ya– nothing tests your marriage like opposite schedules. I worked mostly days, and he was always nights. So being able to spend the last 8 months together, is everything I’d ever hoped for. This year has also been an interesting year for our marriage. Not hard. Not bad. Just interesting. I think when you’re so used to it just being the two of you never seen each other, to the two of you seeing each other, to the two of you going through a pregnancy (and an extremely high risk one at that!), to now it’s the THREE of you. And “my God why won’t this little pink thing stop crying? But oh God, look at her… She looks just like you when she yawns.”, And then, you go through that weird adjustment period of only one income. And not financially per say. But, he’s making sure that he’s billing enough, and also making sure I’m not losing my independence. Meanwhile most days I’m just proud of myself if I remember to eat.
Not working, is hard work. There are parts of me that feel like I’ve given up on my dreams. But then there are parts of me that think, “no, new dreams are coming!”. Ever since I was about 17, I new I was destined to be someone huge, helpful and important. I wanted a group of individuals to love me, and to love back. I wanted to come up with monumental ideas that changed outcomes, businesses, and eventually– lives. I wanted to be that girl with 2 cell phones and a bad ass resume. And being able to combine that with my love of the beauty industry was just the icing on the cake. Being given my first management opportunity when I was only 20 and having ZERO experience was exactly what I needed. I will never, ever forget the woman that took that chance on me. I am FOREVER grateful for her. I left the interview 100% sure that I was not going to get a call back. Well good thing that location was an hour and a half drive home, because I was about half way when I got it.
“I think you’re right for the job” she said, “but wear a longer skirt to your training. I’ll see you next week”.
I learned so much from that woman. I learned what sympathy and empathy were. I learned that it’s OK for everyone NOT to like you. Or even love you. I learned that I often overshare WAY TOO MUCH. I learned that it’s OK to say the word FUCK as much as you want. I’m getting teary eye writing this. She is/was my “Mr. Feeney”. I never thought I was worthy enough of being taught how to be a leader before her.
Now I’m probably making it sound like she died! She definitely didn’t! We still text every once in a while, and when we talk on the phone it’s like no time has passed. She has been there through every management trial and tribulation that I have gone through to date. Did I mention she doesn’t even live here, or work with me anymore? That’s how you know you’ve found YOUR leader. She leads me now and I’m sure isn’t even aware of it.
Fast forward a few jobs, and in November of 2016 I found myself at a little small business salon, interviewing for their management opening, just trying to make a difference. Juries still out on whether or not I did. I had grand ideas. I still do. Do I think I lived up to my full potential while I was there? No. Why? Because I was brunt out. I just wanted something more. I knew I needed something more. Right before I found out I was pregnant, I applied and interviewed for a Salon Development Partner position with Aveda. Basically, I would be living my dream. I would have hundreds of people to love on, assist and inspire. I would be busy. But most importantly I wouldn’t technically have to leave my current salon. I interviewed for the position, and because it was a huge corporate position, your “pass or fail” was posted online. Mine was a fail. In the notes, it said “under-educated”. FORGET having a license. FORGET having actually WORKED in one of the accounts I would be taking over. FORGET the business plan I had worked on for a month. Forget the passion I had for the job… All because I didn’t have a bachelors degree meant I wasn’t even given an opportunity to shine.
After that, to say I was discouraged was an understatement. I was completely heart broken. All I wanted was to matter to a business. I wanted to help! I wanted to be inspirational and appear to be a genius. I wanted my name on a God damn website! Once my husband got promoted in April, we started toying with the idea of me staying home with our daughter. I hadn’t agreed yet, because I so DESPERATELY felt like I was on the verge of a breakthrough where I was at. Until August. In August, I was able to live stream Youniques annual convention. Let me tell you. I have NEVER been more inspired. My husband and I watched in amazement as thousands and thousands of presenters were recognized no matter what status they were. Lives were changed. People were loved. My husband looked at me and said, “This, you should do THIS.” Seeing those Elite leaders walk across the stage to a song of their choice, made me ugly cry. That’ll be me. And I already have my song picked out. (Something Just Like This by The Chainsmokers)
The next day, I gave my notice. Never have I ever felt more liberated. I got to leave a job that changed me. It showed me what I DIDN’T want. It showed me that right now, at this time in my life, I’m meant to achieve SUPERSTAR status. I’m so grateful for that place. My best friends, and second Mama’s, and customers that I will always keep a relationship with came out of there.
It’s taken me a little bit to get started. Multiple transitions all at once can get a little overwhelming. I started by making a list of things I WILL accomplish in the New Year:
- Read one new book a month
- Achieve Elite Status (green or higher) by convention in August
- Become debt free
- Have a successful blog
- Start the process of a podcast for 2020
It’s going to happen for me. I know it will. It’ll happen for you too. MY best advice for you in 2019 is to find your SUPERSTAR. Whatever it is. If you want to sell mascara on the internet, do it. If you want to quit your corporate job and go sling coffee 5 days a week, do it. If you want to break up with your boyfriend or lose weight, DO IT. Speak it into existence. Some of the best advice I was ever given was to “do it, and do it scared”.
So yes, while some sentimental chapters are closing this year, and I’m learning how to navigate my new “job”, keep a healthy marriage, stay HOT AF (sorry not sorry!), and keep my child alive, I cannot wait to see what the New Year brings for me and my friends.
Until next time divas,