Considering I’ve had like 20 people ask me if Kyle read my last blog post, the answer is YES! He reads all my posts and loves them. One of his favorite things about me is my ability to “metaphorically insert my middle finger anywhere” LOL.
After he read my open letter to him, he came home, and we sat on the couch and had a very long talk. It was mostly him. I think he told me about a thousand times how much staying home to raise our daughter means to him and that I make a world of difference being in his life everyday. And that he loves me more than he could ever explain.
As nice as that was to hear, I had to let him know that that wasn’t the point of my letter. He paused. And sat back.
I said, “the point of my letter was to let you know that I KNOW you’re proud of me. I KNOW what I do for you means everything. I wouldn’t have written something so public if none of that were true.” The point of my letter was to let him know that as much as he still sees me, and I mean TRULY SEES me, I also see him.
Often, when a family of two becomes three, the husbands are often forgotten. By everyone. Even their wives. The point of my letter was to let him know that I see where I need to work on myself. I see how I need to learn how to separate myself from “mom mode” sometimes. And I see all of that because I have an amazing partner who keeps me in check.
I always swore once I became a mother that two things would never change:
1. My husband would ALWAYS come first. Always.
2. I would never lose sight of myself.
When you have a partner who idolizes the ground you walk on, it’s easy for them to see things that you don’t. Because they have studied and memorized everything about you. If you have a good partner, they aren’t afraid to tell you things that you might have a hard time hearing, because they know that it means they are going to be right along side you 100% of the way. Your problems are their problems and visa versa.
After I explained that HE was the point of the letter, he just hugged me. He cried. Then WE came up with a plan to help US continue to have a happy, healthy, marriage and journey through parenthood.
We’ve decided that twice a month, our daughter will go with my parents, and we will have date nights. One at home, one out on the town.
We decided we want to try one new thing together every month. This month is a Sip N Paint that I found on Groupon and we are really excited!
We decided that twice a week, we will put Lexi to bed an hour earlier, upstairs in front of a movie, and we will share a bottle of wine and sit in the bath.
We decided one night a week we won’t watch TV, we will cook dinner together and talk about our day.
And let me tell you, last night as we were sitting in the bath and our kid was in the next room watching Mulan, Kyle and Lauren got to have an hour and a half of alone time. We’ve been doing this ever since my letter was posted. Our marriage has never felt stronger. And that’s saying a lot because anyone that knows us, knows we have ALWAYS had a god damn solid foundation. But it was so nice to just, BE. And even though our baby was right in the next room, for a whole hour and a half I was able to relax and shut my mommy brain off. (Actually, it stayed off the rest of the night because my kid fell asleep and stayed asleep until 6am!)
Marriage is SO MUCH WORK you guys. We’ve often been told that we are “couple goals” or that we are “perfect”. We might be. But there is so much that goes into it. It is constantly evolving with one another, being disappointed and learning how to talk it out, sometimes making the same mistake twice (like I bought nothing on the grocery list you gave me but I got everything we DON’T need!) and admitting “I fucked up again”.
When you have so much love for a person, and you’re in a happy, healthy marriage, even the “hardest of jobs” seem so effortless– and are definitely, without a doubt, worth it.
Until next time Divas,