Everyone’s seen the show. And if you haven’t seen it, you know of it. You know it’s a show about six late twenty-something year olds’ that have an unbreakable friendship, and go through all the trials and tribulations that those of us in our late twenties tend to come across. Some of them have known each other since they were kids, some met in college, and some met as adults, yet they just meshed so well.
Friendship is one of those words that has many categories. You have the following:
1. Social friends. We met at my cousins summer bbq and became Facebook friends, but haven’t talked or seen each other since.
2. Acquaintances. We went to school together and maybe had a few classes/sat at lunch/hung out in the same group together, but they have never been to my house.
3. Friends out of convenience. These friends you have so much fun with! Maybe they are people you work with, or your sisters friends that you’ve hung out with on occasion, but other than being in THAT specific setting, you wouldn’t necessarily pick up the phone and invite them over for dinner just the two of you.
4. Best friends. You may talk 24/7. You share every secret. You go out and spend time together as much as you can. You are inseparable.
5. Friends who are family. This person either has or will be in my life forever. We share this incredible closeness for whatever reason, and we can’t imagine our lives without each other.
I think this season of my life, being 25, is probably my favorite for many reasons. A main one being that most people at this point in their lives have found their tribe.
Tribes usually consist of a mixture of friend types 3-5. You often have the most of 3, and the fewest in 5.
One of my favorite quotes about friendship comes from one of my favorite books by Chelsea Handler:
“It’s been my experience that people who make proclamations about themselves are usually the opposite of what they claim to be. If someone truly is a loyal friend, then they wouldn’t need to broadcast it; eventually, people will figure it out. Who talks about themselves like that? I have a lot of good friends and not one of them ever introduced themselves by saying, “I’m a very good friend.”
— Are You There Vodka? It’s Me, Chelsea
This probably has been the most true at this point of my life. Friendships as you get older can be complicated. Some of you have families, some don’t. Some are married and have spouses while some appreciate the freedom of being solo and travel extensively or continue to work up the corporate ladder. Sometimes you feel like you will have all the time in the world for that person, other times you may not communicate for weeks.
Let’s get one thing clear– can we all stop saying “you’re never ‘too busy’, you just don’t want to make it a priority”? I hate that. I see that stupid picture floating around Facebook WAY too often. Truth is, sometimes we ALL just run out of time. Here’s my schedule for instance:
9am-12pm: wake up, feed the baby, bath time for her, while Kyle gets ready for the day. I go downstairs, unload and reload the dishwasher, switch out the laundry, pack lunches, make breakfast, drink a cup of coffee.
12pm-3pm: baby takes a nap, eats a few more times, I do whatever housework needs to be done, I usually shower at this point.
3pm-6pm: groceries usually get picked up, I stop at Starbucks for a midday pick me up, spray tan or maybe get my nails done (if my kid behaves!), come home, unload whatever shopping I’ve done, switch out the laundry again, and start dinner.
6pm-9pm: Kyle comes home, we eat dinner, put the baby to bed, have 2-3 hours together before bedtime and then we go to sleep.
Now, please, to all my friends and distant family who constantly say “well you never make time for us” or “if it were important to you, you’d make it a priority”, please tell me WHERE in that schedule do you see any time for me to carve out solely for you? I’d LOVE to see what you see, because something tells me your schedule looks somewhat similar to this every day.
The types of friendships I’m looking for at this season of my life are simple: we check in on each other to make sure we aren’t dead, we tag each other in dumb stuff on the internet, and we SCHEDULE time to hang out!
Another one of my favorite quotes is by C.S Lewis. It reads:
“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
I remember my first experience with friendship. It was about two weeks before I started kindergarten. My mom was a stay at home mom but ran a childcare center in our house Monday through Friday, but luckily my bus stop was right around the corner from my home. My parents bought a set of walkie talkies, so I could communicate to and from the bus stop. Coincidentally, a girl who lived on the other side of the road (whom I didn’t know yet), had ALSO received a set of two-way radios. One night my neighbor and I were using the radios to pretend we were secret agents. All of the sudden I heard another voice on the other side of the radio that definitely wasn’t mine or my neighbors! That girl and I talked almost everyday, and one thing I remembered that she had mentioned was she LOVED Scooby Doo.
A few weeks later, there I was in my kindergarten classroom, sitting under a table during free time pretending I was a cat (yes really, I believe my parents saved the report card from that year that said “I had a vivid imagination”. I now know that “vivid” is code word for total, fucking, weirdo. I remember a girl, came over one day and sat down under the table with me. She said she didn’t want to be a cat, because she liked dogs, and pulled out her Scooby Doo lunchbox to show me.
I don’t exactly remember how we eventually found out that we were the voices on the radio, but we were inseparable throughout the rest of elementary school.
Fun fact: I still do her hair and see her on occasion 🙂
Obviously now, friendships aren’t just as easy as sitting under the table and pretending to be an animal. But in some ways, they kinda are.
I’d say that I have two best friends at the moment. Both came into my life at super weird times when I didn’t even know that I needed them. One of them connected with me because we both hated this super psycho girl that we worked with, and we would spend hours on our off time sending Snapchats back and forth reliving that days drama. My other best friend got me high (edible in the form of a peanut butter cookie. I had never been high before!) without my consent while we were on a work trip together because she said “I needed to loosen up a little”. Both of these women are extremely opposite from me. Actually, come to think of it, they probably would like each other better than they like me! I’m not sure why we get along so well. It could be that they share the same super twisted sense of humor that I do, or because we all say the word “FUCK” like its going out of style.
I’m not quite sure why they chose me. But I’m oh so glad they did. Them, I’d “prioritize” the shit outta my day for. My one bestie that lives here just comes over whenever she wants, sometimes unannounced, while my other bestie who lives out of state calls/texts/Facetimes every single day, sometimes multiple times a day.
They both love me. The love my husband. They love my daughter. ❤
“A friend is one that knows you as you are, understands where you have been, accepts what you have become, and still, gently allows you to grow.” — William Shakespeare