I still cannot believe that 376 days ago, I became a mom! There are so many things I have learned in the last year– most of which were all the debunked inaccuracies that other mothers had bestowed upon me. Now, I say that with a super light heart. I know that 99% of the time, whenever a mother is sharing her experience with you, it’s because she wants to connect and help in anyway she can. Motherhood is definitely a “Sisterhood Of The Traveling Pants” thing, except we all have stretch marks, bags under our eyes and coffee running through our veins. It’s this weird, unspoken bond that is just something you’ll never understand unless you’re a parent. Now, I feel like I must reiterate that these motherhood myths I’m about to debunk are based off of my personal experiences. I am in no way, shape or form trying to invalidate your journey. I’m just simply here to make you laugh and remind you that there is no manual. We all just get up every day, try to survive, and then give ourselves a silent high-five once the sun goes down to celebrate another days work.
Myth number one: “Your life will change forever!”
Ok. First things first, and maybe it’s just me by WHY is this always said by other moms with a negative connotation in their voice? Like, yeah Linda I can’t just bop in the car and head out to the bar but I sure as hell can go sit in the restaurant section and still sip on my cocktail! I don’t get it. It’s like, it’s their nice little way of trying to do what… Spook us? For me, I would say literally other than the fact that I have a permanent side kick with me 24/7, my life really hasn’t changed. I do every single thing I used to before I had her. EVERYTHING. Except maybe go to the bathroom by myself now. But I’ve always had dogs so I’m still in the process of tallying how many times I’ve been interrupted by my child without a tail, and my three children with tails. Some of the best advice I was ever given while I was pregnant was, “your child should blend in with your life” and I am a firm believer to this day that my family unit is better because the only thing we changed after having a baby was the fact that our outlets now have plastic covers on them.
Myth number two: “You’ll never have a sex life again!”
I’ll admit this one actually terrified me. You see super unhappy couples with kids and think, “damn, someone hasn’t gotten laid in a while!”. Well, for us, I feel like our sex life actually is better in the last year! Seriously, once your husband sees a baby shoot out of your vagina, realistically this leaves NOTHING off the table. Nothing. NOT A THING. And I’m not saying you get like, extra freaky or anything. You might. But for us it just became so much more intimate and fun! We laugh more, aren’t afraid to express our needs and DEFINITELY look forward to bath nights. And I know you’re wondering how that “first time” after kids was. I’ll just say that the turd I passed 3 days after giving birth hurt way worse than sex after 6 weeks.
Myth number three: “You’ll never sleep again!”
This one makes me laugh because my kid has been a good sleeper since day one. Her first night in the hospital she slept 6 1/2 hours and a nurse came in and tried to wake her up and I kindly said that if she came any closer I will grab the nearest scalpel and stab her with it. And I wasn’t joking. I think the only times she really doesn’t sleep well are when she’s going through a regression or she isn’t feeling well from teething. But I would say 9.9 times out of 10 she goes to bed on time, sleeps a solid 9-12 hours and has done that since the day she was born. Even in her early squished meatball days, I can’t really remember any “rough” nights. However that first week of life, almost all babies have their days and nights confused. So we definitely didn’t go to “bed” until like 3 in the morning but we definitely would sleep in until about 9 or 10!
Myth number four: “You’re going to regret not breastfeeding/You won’t have a strong bond with your child”
I don’t regret it, and if we end up having another child I will do things 100% the same way. I do have a bond with my child. Trust me, she’s only one but I SWEAR this kid could pick me out of a lineup. Next.
Myth number five: “Your circle of friends will get smaller”
I’m extremely fortunate to say that I have not had this issue. Every single person that was around for my pregnancy, is still around till this day. Remember that special bond I mentioned earlier? I actually feel like thanks to motherhood, my circle has gotten BIGGER! I’ve reconnected with so many people from high school, beauty school, old jobs… It’s so refreshing to have a group that I can vent to, laugh with, cry with and know that no matter what happens, I have people going through it with me. And somehow that’s just really damn comforting.
Myth number six: “You’ll be sad when the baby stage is over”
I’m literally convinced that everyone who says this must’ve done some magic hippie drug during the first 3 months because you honestly couldn’t pay me enough to go back to that! No kidding. If there was some type of option during delivery that made it so you could choose the age your child was when they were born, sing me up! Same thing when moms are “sad and crying” because “their baby is growing up”. Um. Hi. It’s not a freaking sea monkey, what did you think was supposed to happen? Having your kid grow up and move on to the next milestone should EXCITE you! Do you know how many people wish they had gotten to see their child grow up? Stop saying that. Instead, celebrate it! Say something like, “gosh, I can’t believe I have a one year old! I will for sure miss those snuggles and helping you learn to wave but I seriously cannot wait to be a part of all the cool, new things you’re going to learn!” Growth isn’t something to dwell on.
There is easily a million more that I could tear apart but I feel like these six are some of the ones that MOST new moms hear during pregnancy and every single one of us experiences them so differently. No matter how your first, second, or tenth year of motherhood has gone, please remember that you are doing an amazing job. Please remember to laugh, and live in the moment and take so many pictures that you can’t fit anything else on your phone. Hold your baby, let them eat chocolate and do not forget about yourself! Remember to love this new season you’re in, whether it be your body, your marriage, your mental health. Oh, and also, don’t forget to deep condition your hair.
If you’ve got some debunked motherhood myths that you’d like to share, please write them in the comments section! I’d love to hear them!
Until next time, Divas!